Mess I Made
by Sr813
Summary: Edward feels trapped and strays from his marriage. Will he be able to right his wrongs? Will his wife ever forgive him? *cheating fic* ExB? AH. Rated M for language and Lemons
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **Mess I Made**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

"E-Excuse me, Mr. Cullen. Your w-w-wife is on line one." My assistant shuffles her way into my office. I glare at the phone then focus my gaze on her.

"Tell her that I'm in a meeting. Then send Tanya in please." I order. My assistant nods her head and flees. Less than five minutes later, Tanya Denali struts into my office. Her skirt barely reaches the bottom of her ass. Her tight shirt is opened the first few buttons, allowing her cleavage to be on full display. She grins at me and walks forward, her heels clicking against the marble floor.

"You asked to see me, Mr. Cullen?" her voice is confident, sexy and teasing. I stand slowly, taking my suit jacket off.

"Miss Denali, I don't have time for games. Bend the fuck over and be a good girl." She shudders as the words leave my mouth but she does as I say. She lifts her skirt as she bends across my desk, allowing me to see that she has no panties on. I walk around the desk and stand behind her. My hands reach out and grasp her ass cheeks, kneading them, rubbing them. She moans and pushes back against me. My hand is quick, slapping one of the cheeks, watching as it turns light pink. My cock is hard, aching and begging to be released from my pants. I quickly shove my pants and boxer briefs down to my ankles.

I rub the head of my cock through her wet folds and she moans loudly, no doubt alerting my assistant as to what we're doing. I wrap my hand around her long blonde hair and thrust inside her at the same time, causing my name to slip through her lips. I waste no time pounding into her. She's wet, dripping onto the table. The sounds of our skin connecting, heavy pants and moans are the only thing that fill the silence. I feel her start to pulse around my cock, my fingers tighten in her hair and I drive into her, harder, faster than before. There's no silencing the screams of pleasure leaving her mouth. Her pussy grips me, drowning my cock in her juices. With three more hard thrusts, I come inside her. Gripping her hips so hard I'll no doubt leave bruises.

I pull out immediately, disgusted at myself. I watch as our combined fluids leak down her thighs and onto the marble floor. She lays on my desk, panting and telling me how much she loves my cock. I head into the bathroom that was installed in my office and clean myself up. I throw a towel at Tanya, telling her to get out only minutes later. I look at the clock. Ten forty-seven. I need to get home or I'll start getting questions.

I arrive at home twenty minutes after I left my office. The lights are still on so she's no doubt awake. She's been restless lately. I walk in and hear her off pitch singing coming from the kitchen. I walk in quietly watching as she sways her hips and sings to her favorite song. I feel my heart stutter and I hate myself. She turns to the side and I sigh quietly. The reason I'm fucking another woman juts out from between my wife's hips. The rounded 32-week baby bump. I turn around and walk upstairs to our bedroom, quickly jumping in the shower and washing Tanya's smell off me. I go back to the kitchen and she smiles brightly at me. I smile back but it's fake, knowing that someday she'd found out that I'd betrayed her in the worst way. She walks over and throws her arms around my neck, pulling me down for a kiss. Her stomach presses against mine and I feel the movement of our child making their presence known.

"Angela told me about your meeting, how did it go?" She asks sweetly.

"I sealed the deal and got exactly what I wanted." I want to laugh at the double meaning of my words but I hate myself too much to do it. "How was your day? Any new developments?" I change the subject.

"I had a doctors' appointment today. They want me coming in every other week for the next month and then once we are in the home stretch, I go in every week." She rubs our child's temporary home.

"I'm sorry I've missed another appointment. I'll try to be at the next one." I lie, I'll make up some fake board meeting and because she trusts me, she'll believe me.

"I know you're busy. You're the CEO of a major company Edward and I understand that, that means late nights and missed appointments. However, have you found out about your paternity leave?" She asks, my stomach sinks as it prepares to tell her yet another lie.

"I don't think it's gonna happen, love. I may be able to get a few days off once it's born but that's about it. I'm sorry." I can tell she's upset but she puts on a brave face and shrugs.

"It's not like I'm going to have no one to help me. Lord knows your mother will try to move in and my father, I think he's more excited than anyone put together and that's including us." If only she knew that I didn't want this baby at all. That it was going to take my time away from not only her but from my company as well. She shuts the light off and drags me to our room by my hand. We don't have sex, we just lay next to each other.

"I love you Edward, goodnight." She kisses my cheek and lays on her left side, the safest position for the baby.

"I love you Bella." I close my eyes and the nightmares start.

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 **So what did you think? Is it worth continuing? Your reviews dictate how this story goes or if you even want it to continue so please leave me one and let me know if you like the path this story is on! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I started feeling trapped in my marriage right before Bella got pregnant. I'd known her since we were toddlers, we'd always been together. We were each other's firsts for everything. Isabella Marie Swan and I married when we were twenty years old. Our parents told us to give it a little more time, to not rush into things but we didn't listen. Things were great, they really were. All the sudden, we'd been married for seven years. It seemed like the right step to take after being together that long, I was sure getting pregnant would take a while, after all her birth control had to be out of her system and she'd been on that since we were fifteen. However, we got pregnant the first month we started trying. Bella was so excited. I was too, at first.

It was right as the bump started forming that I felt the walls closing in on me. I felt as though I was going from zero to one hundred in a matter of seconds. I'd just barely gotten used to the fact that Bella was growing our child and then I started seeing the evidence. I was trapped. I started faking meetings to get out of doctors' appointments. I worked later so she'd most likely be asleep when I got home and couldn't ask me about baby stuff. Then, everything went even more to shit. Tanya Denali was hired as the Junior Vice President's secretary. I was her boss's boss. The looks she gave me, made me feel 18 again. I loved the attention she paid me. She wasn't concerned with baby furniture or baby names. So, when I started making excuses to my wife, I'd spend that free time with Tanya. Nothing happened for a while except flirting. Then Bella hit twenty weeks.

It was the one appointment I couldn't get out of. The doctor made comments about it being 'daddy's first time seeing the baby' and Bella was so happy. They did all the routine checks before turning the monitor towards us. I couldn't see anything at first. I had to squint my eyes to even really see anything and then I caught the outline. It looked like a real baby. Bella was crying with tears of joy. I moved my eyes from her to the screen multiple times and all I could think was 'I don't feel anything'. Bella was completely in love with our child, I had no feelings. It was just there. Then the doctor asked if we wanted to know the sex and I immediately responded no. I'd feel like an even shittier person when they told me whether it was a boy or a girl and I felt nothing towards it.

I told Bella that I had to get back to the office as soon as I dropped her off. I had no plans to go back there but I needed an excuse. She told me she loved me and made her way inside. She'd left one of the ultrasounds in the car. I couldn't stand looking at it and threw it in the glove box. I drove to a tiny bar called Brandy and Jazz. It's where the end of my marriage started. I'd already pounded back four shots of tequila. My head was fuzzy but I wasn't a lightweight and I knew I wasn't drunk. Then she walked in.

Tanya Denali was attractive in work clothes, so when she walks in with skin tight leather pants and a tank top barely long enough to cover her pierced belly button my dick reacted instantly. She didn't notice me at first. She sat at the opposite end of the bar, ordering her drinks. She was about halfway into her first margarita when she saw me. She wasted no time in coming to sit next to me. For once it was nice not talking about something involving a baby. All the conversations we'd had focused on things I wanted to talk about. Four more shots for me, and two more margaritas for her and we were drunk off our asses. Me, being the stupid asshole I was decided to ask if she needed a ride home. Her eyes darkened and she licked her lips. I was entranced. She replied that she definitely needed a _ride_. That's how fifteen minutes later, I was in the backseat of my car, fucking the shit out of her. By the time we were finished, I was almost completely sober. My heart was aching and I realized that I'd never be able to take back what I'd just done.

I called Tanya a cab and then drove myself to my office. It was irresponsible to drive drunk, I didn't think it through. Luckily I got to my building in one piece without hurting anyone else. I slept on the uncomfortable couch in my office until 6 am. I drove myself home and hoped that Bella wasn't awake yet. She wasn't. I changed my clothes and went right back to work. Angela, my assistant came into my office around noon and told me that Miss Denali was asking if I could meet with her. My heart stuttered as I told Angela to send her in. Tanya walked in nervously, her eyes trained on the floor. Neither of us said anything for a good five minutes.

"It can't happen again and Bella can never find out. I'll lose everything, I'll lose her." My voice trembles. The memories of the night before flood my brain and my body reacts. I don't even remember how but suddenly deep inside Tanya on the same couch I'd slept on the night before. The weeks past and I started spending more time with Tanya and less time at home. At one point, Bella had called to tell me about her most recent doctors' appointment while Tanya was riding me on my office chair. I help a straight conversation with her for ten minutes while Tanya was fucking me. I don't know what to do anymore. I love the sex with Tanya, I don't want to give it up and go back to my life as a man who's about to be a father. I want excitement, the kind I used to feel when Bella and I were still in the honeymoon phase. I'm trapped in this life as a CEO, husband, father-to-be and ultimate jackass. I'm in too deep and I feel like I'm drowning.

 **~!~**

 **So, I got some positive feedback. Thank you guys! Like I said before, your reviews determines the route the story takes. Feel free to voice your opinions. I'll take all criticism and ideas to heart and hope you guys stick with me through this story. So remember to please review, I really appreciate it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I'm breathing hard as Tanya rides me on the couch in my office. My hands control her hips, my head thrown back, basking in the pleasure. I'm oblivious to the world outside this office. The phone rings, I ignore it. I pull Tanya harder and faster, I feel myself about to fall off the edge and just as I do, the door to my office is thrown open. My brother stands there, his mouth practically hitting the floor. His eyes go from disbelieving to pure rage in a matter of seconds.

"How could you do this to Bella? She's fucking eight months pregnant with your baby!" he screams at me. Tanya hurries and throws on her clothes before running to her desk a floor below. I pull my pants up and pace around my office.

"Em, you can't tell her. I'll lose her, I'll lose…I'll lose the kid. Don't tear us apart." I try to make him feel guilty but he shakes his head.

"That's the thing Edward. You lost them both the minute you stuck your dick in that whore. I don't know how I can tell her but I also don't know how I cannot tell her. She is practically my little sister." Tears fill my older brother's eyes and I realize that this effects more than just my relationship with my wife.

"Please, don't do this Emmett. I'll end it, I promise. Just don't tell Bella." Despite the fact that Bella and I's marriage is more of a friendship, at least to me, I don't want to lose her. Emmett shakes his head.

"You have one week to tell her. If you don't, I will. I hope she leaves you. You don't deserve her." Without another word, Emmett turns and walks out of the room. I fall back against my couch and run my hands through my hair. How the fuck am I supposed to tell Bella? I can't.

I go home early. Bella is sitting on the couch, reading her _What to Expect When You're Expecting._ Her headphones are in so I quietly slip past her and take a shower. The water is so hot, it scalds my skin. By the time I'm finished, I'm bright red and my skin burns in some spots. My heart aches when I catch sight of me and Bella's wedding photo and right next to it, the last ultrasound photo from an appointment I missed. On her bedside table is a scrapbook, as I flip through the finished pages, I realize it's the start of the baby book. I walk out of the room and down to Bella. She's not reading anymore, she's rubbing tiny circles on her stomach and giggles when the baby tries to kick her hand. I silently go over and sit next to her. She doesn't even look at me, she just takes my hand and puts it on the spot our kid is kicking the most. I pull my hand away and notice her slight frown.

"You're home early, is everything okay?" she rubs her fingertip around her stomach some more, this time though she isn't giggling when it kicks back.

"Everything is fine, I just felt like being home with my wife." I lie. She sighs and then sits up straight.

"We need to pick a name. I'm due in four weeks and we don't even have an idea of what we want to name the baby." I feel myself tense up. Of course she wants to talk about the kid, it's all she ever wants to talk about.

"I thought we were doing EJ for a boy and Vanessa for a girl." I shrug and she glares at me angrily.

"Please Edward, do this one thing. Emmett painted the nursery and built the crib. He and Rose took me to find all the baby furniture and get some clothes and diapers. I know I said that I understood but….You've missed all of the doctors' appointments but one, you aren't reading the baby books, you haven't gotten a new car like I asked you to. You don't even want to sit down for a few minutes and pick a name for our child who is going to be here in a month." She cries. I open my mouth to say something, but no sounds come out. If I tell her about Tanya now, our marriage will no doubt be over.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Let's pick a name, it needs a name." I try to smile at her but I can tell she isn't fooled.

"I'm going to bed, you can sleep in the nursery or on the couch but don't even think of coming into our bedroom." She wipes away her tears and walks upstairs. I lean back and let my thoughts take over.

Why did Emmett have to walk into my office today? Why did I start the affair? Why did I agree to trying for a baby? How am I supposed to love this kid when I don't want it? How am I going to tell Bella that I've been cheating on her? Our kid is due in less than four weeks and I have one week to tell Bella that I've been fucking her and someone else at the same time. I stretch out on the couch, there's no way I can sleep in the nursery, I don't even know what it looks like. I've been avoiding it.

In the morning I wake up, Bella always has breakfast for me but this morning there is no sizzling of bacon or the smell of pancakes and waffles. There's not even the strong smell of coffee in the air. I stumble into the kitchen and see it's just the way it was last night. I roll my eyes, she's so mad at me that she can't cook me breakfast? I start a pot of coffee and run upstairs to get dressed. I go into the bedroom quietly so I don't wake Bella, only to see that she's not even home. Right after I finish getting dressed, my phone rings. I debate answering since it's Emmett. I answer it right before it's about to go to voicemail.

"Em, what's up man?" I try to pretend like yesterday never happened.

"Have you told her yet? I'm not like you, I can't keep lying to my wife. Rose knows something is up." Emmett, who is usually making jokes has no tone of humor in his voice today.

"You gave me a week, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours. Actually, why don't you do me a favor and stay out of my marriage. Did I hound you when you almost went home with that whore, Victoria James? You were only married a year when that happened." I throw in his face.

"That's the thing Edward. I didn't go home with her, instead I went straight home and told Rose what had happened. You've been fucking this girl for months while your wife is working as well as carrying your baby. Do you know how many times I've done something baby related for Bella? Things you should be doing because you are that child's father? You are such a jackass and Bella and the baby deserve way better than you." With that, Emmett ends the phone call. I'm angry and practically vibrating in my seat. Who is he to be angry with me? He doesn't know anything and he should mind his own business.

I put my anger aside and head in to work. I stare at my car in the driveway. A Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. It's beautiful and sleek. However, there's no backseat. Nowhere for a car seat. I just bought this car last year, I don't want to get rid of it because of the kid. I shake my head and speed off towards my office. I pass Angela's desk and tell her that the only people I want to see or talk to today are the people who are going to make me money. I have a few conference calls and meeting with a couple investors but other than that, it's a laid-back day. Well, it was until Angela burst into the room, her whole body shouted that something had happened.

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 **Thank you guys for the reviews! Also to everyone reading this and following and/or favoriting! Big thank you to Cheatward's spot on Facebook for getting my story out there! Like before I encourage you to review and let me know what you guys are thinking. I'll always take your ideas into consideration!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

"Mr. Cullen, there's um…There's an emergency." Angela doesn't even look at me when she says this. I sigh and sit up straight in my desk.

"What is the emergency? I do have some paperwork I need to do." I sneer slightly. She flinches and then looks up at me.

"There was an accident. It was your wife, she and the other driver have been taken to the hospital." I feel my heart stop. Bella was in an accident. Bella could be seriously hurt. I stand up quickly and grab my jacket and keys.

"Cancel all my meeting and conference calls for the next week. Tell them that I'll call back personally to reschedule but something unavoidable came up." I brush past her and practically run down to my car. My employees watch me with wide eyes, no doubt going to gossip once I'm out of sight.

I reach the hospital half an hour later. I head to the emergency room, that's where they'd have Bella isn't it? The lady at the desk smiles at me and asks what I'm in for. I tell her that I'm with the woman in the car crash. She smiles and tells me where to go. It must not be that serious if she's happy. I walk in to the room and stop in my tracks.

"Tanya? What the hell, why are you here?" I growl. She's in one of those ugly hospital gowns. She looks at her hands and then back up to my face with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I wasn't paying attention and it just happened. I-I'm so fucking sorry." She cries. A doctor in a white lab coat comes into the room.

"Miss Denali, your x-rays revealed a broken rib but that's the extent of your injuries. However, your blood results came back. Are you aware that you have syphilis?" my mouth drops. Her eyes are cartoon character wide and tears fall slowly from them.

"How long have I had it? I didn't know." She cries.

"Well, I'm guessing around six weeks. I'll have to do a pelvic exam though to be sure I'm correct. We'll put you on some antibiotics and you'll be good as new. Not knowing you have an STD is quite common. In the meantime, either you need to call your sexual partners from the last six weeks and tell them or I'll need their names and phone numbers and I'll do it, leaving your name out of it of course."

"Hold the fuck on. You're telling me, that she's had an STD for six god damn weeks and didn't know? That's bullshit!" I yell. The doctor glares at me and shakes his head.

"Sir, it happens more often than you'd realize. Vaginal discharge is normal in women. It would be quite easy to confuse regular discharge to that of an STD. May I ask who you are and what your relation to Miss Denali is." I can tell the doctor is looking for any excuse to kick me out. His eyes then notice the platinum wedding band on my finger. He looks from me to Tanya and it's like they have a private conversation in their heads to one another.

"You're Mr. Cullen, aren't you?" the doctor guesses. I shrug my shoulders.

"Maybe, so what if I am?" I growl. He walks towards me and leads me out of the room, his hand on my shoulder.

"We called your office and your assistant was sent to tell you only basic details of the accident. That your wife was in an accident and you needed to get here." The doctor looks nervous.

"Well, you guys got it wrong. Tanya isn't my wife, I'm her boss." _And her fuckbuddy._ I growl.

"When we sent the message, we weren't talking about Miss Denali. Your wife, Isabella Cullen was involved in the accident. They rushed her to the OR as soon as she got here. I'm sorry, I don't know much more but it wasn't your employee we called you about. I'm sorry and I hope everything turns out ok but I need to get back to my rounds."

I was so worried when I got to the hospital and then I saw Tanya. I thought it was a mistake, it wasn't. I sat listening to Tanya's doctor while my wife was above me having surgery from an accident Tanya caused. I rush up to the surgical floor. I give my wife's name at the desk and the nurse asks me to take a seat, that a doctor will be right out to talk to me. I was staring at the ground, praying that Bella is okay when I hear a throat clear. I stand up and the doctor shakes my hand.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm going to cut to the chase. Your wife was brought in with multiple abrasions and bruises from the accident. Due to the impact on her side of the car, the bone in her left forearm broke in three places. We had to go in and fix that. However, the airbag had hit your wife's abdomen. This caused extreme pressure on her uterus. When the EMT's removed her from the car, she was turned to quickly and it caused the placenta to detach from the uterine wall. She was flown here and prepped for an emergency C-section. Do you have any questions so far?" my head is spinning and I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"Will Bella be okay? Is she…Is she going to die?" I feel tears form in my eyes.

"The next twenty-four hours will be critical. We won't know anything until then. Mr. Cullen, I need to ask. Have you had any previous sexual partners other than your wife in the last few months?" I run my hand over my face. I want to lie but for Bella's health, I know I can't.

"The other woman who was in the car accident. We've been having sex for the past few months. She um…She has syphilis. I didn't know." I run my hands through my hair and he sighs angrily but pulls his phone out. I see him texting and I glare at him. What the fuck is so important that he needs to text someone.

"Your wife is out of surgery, they'll be taking her to a recovery room shortly. Your child is upstairs in the NICU undergoing tests. I need you and your wife to be tested for anymore STDs." He turns to walk away but I put my hand on his shoulder.

"The kid, it was born?" he glares at me and rolls his eyes.

"Mr. Cullen, a cesarean section is when a woman's abdomen is cut open. Organs are shifted and so on until they reach the uterus, more specifically the amniotic sac. So yes, your child was born. Made a silent entrance into this world at six thirty-two p.m. Weighed four pounds four ounces and was fifteen inches long. Average babies are born being around seven pounds and about twenty inches long. Your child was born at thirty-six weeks gestation. About four weeks early. It's scary but still manageable. It's not that early. However, we couldn't figure out why they were so small but you just answered that question for me. I don't even need you to be tested for an STD. It's clear that you have one and gave it to your wife. Once she had it, it spread like a wildfire to the baby. I hope that the size is the only thing effected." The doctor doesn't say another word to me.

The only thing I can think of is how Bella is going to know I cheated on her. She'll find out about the STD and she'll hate me for it. The kid is all she's going to care about and because of me, it was small. The nurse walks over and asks if I want to go meet my baby, I refuse. I don't deserve to be the first person to see it. I don't deserve Bella or the child we created together. I don't deserve anything except a life full of misery.

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 **So, lots of angst in this chapter. Next chapter is something you've all been waiting for. Please review and let me know how I'm doing! I appreciate all the feedback!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

Hours pass but they feel like days. I call our families and tell them about the accident. It's no surprise when everyone shows up. They all try to ask me questions about the baby. Who does it look like? Boy or girl? What's the name? What do I say when I can't answer any of their questions? Emmett glares at me the whole time. Then he leaves, saying he's going to go see the baby. I know if it comes down to it, Emmett will pick Bella despite the fact I'm his brother. An hour passes and Bella's doctor comes to tell us she's all situated in an ICU room. Only two people at a time allowed in the room. I refuse to leave her side, so the rest of the family comes in one by one. Emmett is the last one to come in. He doesn't say anything. He just kisses Bella on the forehead and walks out.

I fall asleep in the chair beside her bed. I dream of a faceless baby, Bella clutching it to her chest and telling me she hates me. Tanya stands behind Bella, one of her hands is on her shoulder turning Bella's skin a disgusting green color. As the green spreads, Bella falls to her knees still clutching the baby to her chest. But as one last breath leaves Bella, she drops the baby. I wake up, gasping for breath. My eyes fall to Bella's face, covered in bruises and cuts. I decided to take a walk, kissing Bella's forehead before leaving the room. I walk level by level and as I'm about to head to another staircase. I see a name on one of the nurses' boards…Tanya. I quickly find my way to her room. She's awake, she looks at her hands when she sees me enter.

"Is she okay? What about the baby?" I can barely hear Tanya's voice. I sit in the chair in the corner of her room.

"She's still asleep. Her arm is broken in a few places and she has a lot of bruises and cuts. They um, they took the baby out. It's small, I guess, the doctors are blaming me for that." I lean forward so my elbows rest on my knees.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I swear it was an accident. I know that I'm clingy even though we were just having sex, but I would never hurt her or your baby on purpose. I was trying to change the music in my car and I guess I'd swerved into the other lane. I jerked the wheel and her car was next to mine. She hit the telephone pole and the car just…It wrapped around it. I thought I killed the person inside and when I found out it was her, I actually threw up." Tears fall down her face.

"Emmett is making me tell her about the affair. She's going to find out anyway. You gave me syphilis, I gave it to her and the baby got an infection. It's why the kid is so small. The nurse told me earlier that despite being early it should be almost six pounds. I guess, they have to wait and see if there is anything else wrong with it. Bella is going to hate me. I fucked up and it almost killed the kid." I feel tears building up in my eyes.

"There's no way around this is there?" Tanya whimpers. I simply shake my head and stand up.

"I can't fire you simply for having an affair with you and it turned bad. I don't want to see you on my floor again though or I will fire you. If you must come up, then you need to tell Angela so I won't see you." I stride out of the room. I decide it's time to go back to Bella. I pass the NICU floor all together, I can't handle seeing what I've done to the kid.

I walk into the room and sit next to Bella again. I'm only sitting there for fifteen minutes before she makes a little whimpering sound and her eyelids flutter. I jump to my feet quickly and take her hand in mine.

"Bella, baby are you hurting? Do I need to get the nurse for some pain meds?" She shakes her head yes and I run from the room, grabbing the first nurse I see. Luckily it is her nurse and I'm not in too much trouble.

"Hello Bella, I'm Nurse Hunter. You can call me Vicki though. Do you remember what happened?" The nurse makes sure to talk clear and loud enough for Bella to hear.

"B…B…Ba-baby." I see a tear slide down Bella's cheek.

"The baby is doing ok. Such a little fighter." Vicki grins. Bella's heart rate slows to a more comfortable rhythm. "I'm going to give you some more medication, and it's gonna make you a little sleepy. When you wake back up, the doctor will go over everything that happened. I'll be back in an hour to check on you." The nurse rubs Bella's hand and exits the room. Bella's already passed out again.

Time speeds by. It's suddenly noon and the doctors are going to take Bella off the heavy-duty medication today. I sit by her side and wait to see the fluttering of her eyelids. They position the bed so when she wakes up, she's sitting up and so she doesn't jerk awake. I see her eyes start fluttering just as the doctor and her nurse walk in. I take a deep breath and I know that my marriage will be ending soon. There's no way they're not going to tell her that our kid has an infection caused by an STD.

"Wh-What's going on?" Bella's voice is rough but still perfect.

"You were in a car accident yesterday. You're extremely lucky it wasn't worse than it was." The nurse takes Bella's blood pressure and checks everything else before her gaze falls on me.

"My baby, what happened to the baby?" Tears fill Bella's eyes and the doctor comes forward to sit on the side of the bed.

"When you got here, the placenta had detached. We got you into the OR as soon as possible and got the baby out. You have a four pounds two ounce little boy. He's dropped two ounces since yesterday but it's completely normal for that to happen. There are some things we need to talk about though and they aren't going to be pleasant. To be honest, I don't want to even bring it up because the stress could do more harm to you." He looks at me with a slight glare.

"The baby should have been more than five pounds. He was growing wonderfully and then it slowed. We didn't know what the cause was, we were only concerned with getting him out and making sure you were ok. Your son was born with an infection caused from you having an STD." Bella cuts the doctor off.

"I can't have an STD, I've only ever had sex with my husband. We were each other's firsts, it's just not possible." She cries.

"I cheated on you. She um, she gave me syphilis and I didn't know I had it. I gave it to you. It cause the kid to be born fucked up." I look down at my feet while saying this.

"Y-you cheated on me? While I was pregnant with our baby?" I reach out to grab her hand but she pulls it away from me.

"We'll discuss this after I find out if my son is going to be okay." I can't help but notice she didn't say _our_ son.

"I don't specialize in pediatrics but from what I've seen, I think he'll be perfectly fine. He did marvelously on his hearing and vision tests, he's kept down all his food with the occasional spit up but that's normal. The only thing we are worried about at this point is years down the line, if he has any problems mentally. You've got yourself a handsome little boy Bella, don't worry about the what if's." The doctor smiles brightly at Bella. He says that he has to go see a few more patients and if he returns and she's still doing good, he'll think about moving her out of the ICU. The doctor walks out and suddenly Bella and I are the only ones in the room. I can feel her looking at me, but I don't have the courage to look at her. When I finally do, I wish I hadn't.

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 **Soo, a lot of you think Edward is a Jackass. I'm on the same page with you there. Thank you guys so much for your support on this story, I hope you guys like what's to come. Don't forget to leave some reviews and tell me what you think, I appreciate you guys giving me feedback!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

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 **Edward's POV**

Bella stares at me, pure rage and hate on her face. I can see her whole body shaking in anger and I don't know what to do so I sit there quietly. She takes a deep breath and lets it go.

"What's he look like?" is all she asks.

"I um, I don't know. I haven't seen him." I see the anger fuel even hotter in her.

"Who was it? What did she have that I didn't" Hot angry tears run down her face and my heart breaks into a million pieces.

"Nothing love. I just…I felt trapped. We were suddenly going to be parents and I wasn't ready. I needed a release without the baby being between us. That's all we ever talked about, the baby this, the baby that. I felt like you were already going into mom mode and I just didn't want that yet." I rub my hand across my forehead.

" .It?" she growls.

"Tanya Denali. The senior VP's assistant at my company. She um…She's the one that caused the accident. She didn't do that on purpose though." I try to defend Tanya quickly.

"How long have you been fucking her?" Bella's voice is monotone.

"It happened the night of the twenty week scan and just continued from there." I tell her honestly. She nods her head and a few tears slip from her eyes.

"I want you gone by the time I get home with the baby. I'll contact my lawyer, find out how to get the divorce started." My heart drops into my stomach at her words. I jump to my feet and reach for her hand, tears flowing down my face freely.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I fucked up. Please don't ruin us." I beg. She laughs humorlessly.

"I didn't ruin us Edward. You did when you stuck your dick in her, when you gave me her fucking STDs. When your mistakes caused our little boy to be sick. That's what gets me the most. Not you cheating or giving me a disease. What gets me is the fact that you wouldn't even try to love our baby, you sat here next to me knowing what you'd done. Knowing that our son was struggling because of your actions and you sat here. If you don't want him, I'll have my lawyer draw up divorce and termination of rights papers. He deserves a father who loves him, not one who resents him. Now please leave my fucking room and don't you dare go to the NICU. Go pack your shit and get out of the house." She leans back in the bed. Her uncasted hand is in her hair. She's trying so hard to reign in the tears but a few escape.

I walk out of the room and I see Emmett walking toward me. He stops when he sees how upset I am. My hands are shaking and I feel the walls closing in on me. He sighs before pulling me into a hug. I sob against my older brother and he just holds me. He listens to me ramble and only lets me go when I pull away.

"I love you Edward. You're my little brother but I don't have any sympathy towards you. That little boy upstairs, he's your son. He has a part of you no one else will ever have, even if you have more kids in the future. You didn't want him from the time you saw he was going to actually be a baby. If you can't love him, let him go. Let Bella find someone who will love her and the baby. She deserves to be happy." With that he claps me on the shoulder and walks into Bella's room.

I go home and sit on Bella and I's bed. The baby book is still on the bedside table. I run my fingers along it, realizing that I don't even know what the kid looks like. I suddenly feel like I'm suffocating. My mind is strangled with thoughts. I almost killed him. My…My son is a helpless baby who had to fight for his life and he may never be normal. Bella…Bella got an STD because of me. I put the baby book on the bed and walk shakily towards the nursery. I open the door and tears fall down my face. It's green, the same shade as my eyes. Bella's favorite color. The crib is a dark red and fits perfectly. Inside the crib is a blast from the past. A little plush lion, slightly worn from being so old. I won it for Bella on our first date. We were fifteen and my parents dropped us off at the carnival. She told me that the games were a rip off and I wanted to prove her wrong. I spent $50 winning the lion and earned an 'I told you so' and a first kiss.

I'm drawn from my memories by a bag on the rocking chair. I know it's a diaper bag but it looks full. I open it and find diapers and a few outfits. I remember Bella saying something about having to be prepared. I pull out the outfit on top. It's a soft yellow button up. I look at the outfit, the doctor said he's smaller than average babies. The outfit is tiny, I can't imagine him being any tinier. I pull the outfit to my chest and sit cross legged on the floor, sobbing. My son is too little to fit this tiny outfit because of me. Bella and I won't ever be in here together, singing him to sleep. I know what I'm going to miss. I mourn for those moments I'll never get to have but at the same time, I can't see myself being a good father to him. Emmett was right, he deserves someone who will love him with all their heart. My heart loves the fuck out of him. My heart wants me to be there for him. My mind wants the complete opposite. It wants me to run in the opposite direction. I lay the outfit back into the bag gently and zip it up.

In our bedroom, I find Bella's hospital bag. Hopefully I can make her hate me a little less if I bring her, her bags. I try to load up my car but there isn't any room. The trunk can fit her bag, but the baby's bag must be put in the front seat. It's then I realize that the car seat isn't going to fit in here. This is why she asked me to get a new car. Our son would never fit in here. I run inside and get the car seat and base before driving off in the direction of the hospital.

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 **So, there's the next chapter. Thank you guys for the support! Your reviews make me want to update faster. I have a feeling of where I want to start directing this story, hopefully you like it. Remember to review and leave me your thoughts, as always your feedback is much appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **I usually wait until the end for the a/n but I just wanted to explain something before you started reading this chapter. I actually finished it yesterday but after reading my reviews, I decided to take a different approach to this chapter. I do have the completed first version if anyone wants to read it, just let me know.**

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 **Edward's POV**

I get to the hospital and up to the ICU only to find Bella's room is empty. I freak out, thinking the worst. The nurse from yesterday walks over to me and tries to calm me down but I can feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

"Mr. Cullen, calm down! There are other patients here who don't need to see you overreacting. Your wife was moved onto the maternity ward, nothing bad has happened. Go down two floors, go straight down the hallway until you reach the nurses station. They'll give you her room number." I can tell in her voice that she finds my behavior ridiculous. I want to scream at her but I reign myself in.

I follow Nurse Ratchet's directions and sure enough, I finally have Bella's room number. I slip in quietly, she's sleeping. I put the baby bag on the chair closest to her bed and I put her suitcase in the little storage closet in her room. I stand in the corner for what seems like hours, contemplating what I'm going to say to her when she wakes up. I need her to give me a second chance, I'll try to be a good husband and father. She needs me and so does my son. I devise a plan. I bring up her parents' divorce and how it affected her. I know she hated being shipped around. All she wanted was one of each holiday with her mom and dad there together but her parents hated each other. To this day they can't stand being in the same room.

Bella starts crying in her sleep. It tears my heart into a million pieces. My eyes are on Bella when the doctor enters the room. He sees me in the corner and glares at me.

"As a doctor, I'm not supposed to express my opinions in a patient's personal life. However, you are a complete and utter fool. When she was brought in, she kept asking for you until we took her back for surgery. You have a beautiful woman that loved you, you were about to be a father. I can't imagine a life better than the one you had and you just threw it all away for a whore who caused the accident." The doctor shakes his head. This angers me to no extent. How dare he butt his head into my business. He doesn't know me, he doesn't know Bella so who the fuck is he to judge. I look at his name tag and then into his eyes.

"Look Dr. Whitlock, what goes on in my marriage, with my family is none of your goddamn business. You don't know what it's like to have a wife whose world revolved around you and then suddenly something is more important. The kid took over my household and it hadn't even been born yet. When I agreed to start trying for a baby, I didn't think that it'd happen right away. I certainly didn't fucking think that the kid would be the only fucking thing she talked about." I growl. I hear a gasp and a sob. My eyes fly to the sound and see Bella lying wide awake in bed. My heart drops.

"Get out. I don't want you anywhere near me or Masen. You are not the man I married, you don't deserve and you definitely don't deserve our son." Tears flow down Bella's face and she shakes her head.

"Masen? That isn't one of the names we discussed." I ignore the second part of her mini speech.

"Masen Charles _Swan_. Now that you know his name, leave. I don't want to see you anywhere near us again. You don't want him, you didn't want me so just go. Please do this one thing for me.' She begs. I clench my jaw and tighten my fists.

"I love you more than anything in this world Bella. We've been together since we were fifteen. You want to just give up on us?" I growl at her.

"You're the one that gave up on us Edward! You fucked another woman while I was pregnant because you were jealous of our baby! You gave me an STD that almost killed our son! Your whore was the one that caused the damn accident." She cries.

"Before we get too far into this argument, I need you both to hear something. The only reason I want your husband here for this is to show him what his actions have caused. They decided to run some more tests on Masen. He passed his vision test but his first hearing test wasn't accurate. The second test showed that he only has eighty percent hearing in each ear. I'm sorry, truly I am." Dr. Whitlock glares at me. The blood has drained from Bella's face and she utters the words I never thought I'd hear.

"I hate you. I don't regret Masen, but I regret marrying you. I regret ever being with you. Your actions have caused my son so much pain and he's not even three fucking days old. You've made his life harder just because you were jealous of him." The doctor rests his hand on her shoulder.

"I think it's time you leave now Mr. Cullen. I'm warning the staff not to let you in here." I glare at the man comforting my wife. Fuck him. Fuck all of them. I turn on my heel and stride out of the room. I get in the elevator and for some reason, I select the floor with the NICU. It's not hard to find him. He's in one of those clear cages with the holes for hands to reach in and touch him. He's wearing nothing but a diaper.

His head has a thin layer of dark hair. His nose is all Bella, cute and button like. His lips are full, matching my brother's. His ears are mine, slightly pointed at the top. His eyes, though they're closed are Bella's. He has my cheekbones but they're not as pronounced. His tiny chest rises and falls with each breath he takes. His tiny fingers twitch and every so often, he flexes his foot and spreads his little monkey toes. I swallow down the lump in my throat and walk away. I get in my car and it hits me. I've just lost the woman I love and the kid will probably never know me.

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 **There is the newest chapter! I'll try to get the next one out ASAP. Don't forget to review and leave me your thoughts. I appreciate all the feedback!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **TIME JUMP AHEAD**

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 **Edward's POV- 4 months later**

I walk around my apartment in my loose boxers. The only thing I like about my new home is the view. The traffic of the city is too loud. The first thing I see in the morning is city smog. Bella didn't waste time serving me with divorce and termination of rights papers. I signed the termination papers first and sent them to her lawyer. I stared at the divorce papers for two weeks until I finally signed them. Today is the day my marriage is officially over. There's a final court hearing to go over the splitting of our assets and then over a decade down the drain.

I get dressed in a light grey suit with a white tie. I move sluggishly, not ready to face my wife. However, the time comes to leave the safety of my apartment. I drive to the courthouse, my mind clouded with thoughts and memories. I quickly find a parking spot and sit in my car for a few minutes before I gather up the courage to go inside. I see her immediately. She has her cast off and in her arms, is a chubby little boy with a head full of dark hair. Then my eyes shift to the person beside her. A very familiar doctor. He tickles the baby's stomach and the baby lets out a high-pitched giggle. People passing by smile as they see the man and the baby interacting. The man immediately takes the baby into his arms when it reaches out to him.

These last few months, I've had so much time to think. I regret all my decision. Once I'd finished taking the antibiotics for the STD, I'd gotten myself checked again, just to make sure I didn't have anything else. I didn't even ask Tanya who else she was fucking. I ruined my marriage by falling into Tanya's trap, I wasn't going to call her and risk it happening again. My mom refused to talk to me for a month, Emmett constantly made snide remarks and Rosalie told me she was disgusted with me every time she saw me. The only one not judging me was my father. He told me that soon I'd understand exactly what I'd done and how much damage that it did. He was right, I lost my son and my wife. My whole family practically hates me.

I walk over to Bella and clear my throat. It's the first time I've seen her since she told me she hated me. She turns to me surprised. Her eyes flit from Me, to Masen and then to Dr. Whitlock. For some reason, when she looks at him I feel anger burn inside me. It's like my mouth disconnects from my brain and I immediately regret what I say.

"Looks like you didn't wait long to move on. How do you like playing daddy to my son Dr. Whitlock?" I sneer. Dr. Whitlock glares me and then looks at the baby in his arms, he calms himself immediately. I notice then the small hearing aids in Masen's ears.

"Edward, not that it's any of your business but Jasper and I are just friends." Bella shakes at me and reaches for Masen. A huge toothless grin appears on his face and my heart flutters. I gave this beautiful little boy up.

"Is he okay?" I ask quietly, looking at Masen. Bella's eyes soften and she runs her fingers through his soft baby hair.

"His hearing hasn't deteriorated but it hasn't improved. He's a little behind on milestones but nothing major. His pediatrician thinks he's okay but we still have appointments every few weeks." Masen grabs a lock of Bella's hair and tries to shove it in his mouth. I watch as Dr. Whitlock smiles watching them. It's plain to see that he's in love with Bella.

Our names are called and we all head into the courtroom. Bella hands Masen to Jasper and stands next to her lawyer. The judge asks if there is any way the marriage can be saved and Bella immediately answers 'No'. He looks at me and I quietly utter the same word Bella did. He goes through all the assets to be separated Between us. Bella is keeping the house since she has Masen and I have my apartment. Our savings are being split in half and I have two months to retrieve all my belongings from the house. As soon as the gavel sounds, I feel a few tears fall. I don't waste time, I make my escape quickly and sob in my car for twenty minutes. I'm officially a divorced single man who gave his son up. Bella is no longer a Cullen. My heart aches. I drive until I find myself at the same bar that was the source of the end of my marriage, Brandy and Jazz.

I sit in the same spot I did all those months ago. I order the same tequila shots. I'm brought out of my thoughts by a high pitched voice coming from behind the bar.

"You look like a man who's had a rough day." The tiny woman says. I look down at my empty shot glass.

"You could say that." I chuckle humorlessly. She pours me another shot and grins.

"I've heard alcohol is the best medicine." She watches me down the shot and leans her elbows on the bar.

"Alcohol and I don't always mix. Last time I drank tequila, I fucked up my marriage." I run a hand through my messy hair.

"How long have you been married?"

"We were married for seven years. Then I fucked everything up. We'd been together since we were fifteen. I desecrated all those years we were together because I was an idiot." I sigh sadly and ask for another shot. The girl pours me one without hesitation.

"I was married for three years. I thought I loved him but then I started noticing other guys and I felt myself falling out of love. I didn't want to hurt him but it was inevitable. He'd wanted to start a family, I wanted a few more years to be young and have fun before completely settling. Luckily our divorce was quick and painless. We're even friends now, we actually co-own this bar." She looks around the establishment proudly.

"You're lucky. My divorce was full of pain. Hell, the last few months of my marriage practically killed us both. I regret everything I did but she's moving on. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend too and I can't handle the thought of her being with anyone else." A tear makes its way down my cheek.

The bartender and I talk until it's closing time. She tells me to move on, to make myself happy and not dwell on the past because there's nothing I can do to change it. I wish I could move on but I hate myself for what I've done. I hate myself for ruining my marriage and most of all, I hate myself for hurting my son and giving up on him. I'm a fool, an idiot and I don't deserve happiness.

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 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I also hope you don't mind the time jump. Don't forget to leave some reviews and tell me how you think the story is going. As always, your feedback is much appreciated!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I look around the place I used to call home. I'm at the house getting some of my stuff and I'm shocked to see how much has changed in four months. It's obvious a baby lives in this house. The car seat is by the door, there's a bouncer and a swing in the living room as well as a bunch of baby toys. Bella walks in from the kitchen with Masen in her arms.

"Your weight bench is in the basement. I couldn't have it up here with Masen, I didn't want to risk him getting hurt." She lays a blanket and puts one of those curved pillows on the floor. She Puts Masen's stomach in the area the pillow curves and places a few toys in front of him.

"Why don't you just lay him on the floor?" I question.

"He's a little sick and he spits up less when he has the pillow supporting his stomach." She shrugs and sits on the chair next to where Masen is playing. He waves his toys around and sticks them in his mouth. The little sounds he makes are adorable. There's a knock on the door and Bella gets up to answer it. There's a few hushed whispers but nothing I can really make out. The door closes and Bella comes around the corner with a casually dressed Dr. Whitlock. He nods at me and then goes right for Masen. Masen smiles a big gummy smile when he sees him and lets out a little squeal. There's a huge grin on Dr. Whitlock and Bella's faces.

I watch as he expertly picks Masen up and cuddles him to his chest. Bella walks over to them and kisses Masen's forehead. They look like the perfect little family. Jasper holds Masen a bit longer before putting him back on the pillow.

"So I was thinking, neither of us work tomorrow and it's supposed to be really nice. Why don't we take Mase to the zoo?" Jasper suggests. Bella sits back on the chair and smiles.

"That sounds great. I'd wanna invite some people though. It's going to be Masen's first trip to the zoo." Bella looks down at her son who has practically his whole fist in his mouth.

"I think I have enough to fit in my car for now. I'll come back probably next week to pick up the rest of it." I interrupt them. Bella stands up and asks Dr. Whitlock to watch Masen. Bella follows me to the door.

"I'm sorry if that was awkward. I didn't expect him over until later." Bella apologizes. I shake my head.

"Like you said at the courthouse, it's not my business. We're divorced, you can talk to whoever you'd like." I shrug. I try to act like I don't care but I feel like I'm dying inside. She purses her lips and nods.

"Have a good night Edward." She says and backs away from the door. I nod and step out, closing the door behind me. I put my stuff in the trunk and in the passenger seat. I want to sit here for a few minutes but I know that'd be creepy so I drive away.

When I get to my apartment, I break out the booze. After today, I feel like getting drunk off my ass. I don't remember how much I drank except for finishing off a bottle of vodka. The rest of the night is a blur. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like dwarves are inside my head, mining at my brain. I feel the blankets shift and when I look next to me, I see a familiar blonde in my bed. I groan quietly in disgust at myself. What have I done? She stirs and turns over, smiling at me.

"I've missed this." She whispers. I look away and shake my head.

"I was drunk Tanya. Last night meant nothing to me. Fuck, I don't even remember it." I Stand up and pull on my boxers.

"Oh please, we both know that if you didn't want to call me, you wouldn't. You may not make the best decision but you do make them despite the fact you know you shouldn't." She chuckles and gets out of the bed. I can't help but stare at her naked form, I am a man after all. I check the trash can beside my bed and let out a sigh of relief when I find the condom in it. I don't need to end up with another STD.

"You fucking knew I was drunk Tanya. What made you think that it was okay to come over here? I didn't want to see you, I even told you I'd fire you if you stepped foot onto my floor of the company. Why do you think that just because I made a stupid, drunk decision to call you that it changes my attitude about what happens." I growl. I see her start to get angry, she's practically vibrating.

"After all the work I put into trying to get us together, you just completely blow me off. I know you love me, I tried to make it so we could be together. Fuck, you think I wanted an STD? You think I wanted to break a rib? I did all that shit for US! For our future!" she screams. My heart practically stops beating. I look into her hate fueled eyes.

"What did you just say?" My breathing is slow, I try to take calming breaths but it doesn't seem to be working.

"Don't pretend like you didn't know Edward. The only thing I regret is hurting the kid. In fact, when I caused that accident, I wanted Bella to die. I wanted her to suffer for taking you from me. The STD. That was planned. Of course going about getting it wasn't all that pleasant. I'd had to wait outside a free clinic and solicit practically everyone who came out. After all the work I put into keeping us together, you can't appreciate the fact that I came to you when you called." She shakes her head. My knees give out and tears fall down my face.

"You-You planned all of this? My son is partially deaf because you decided to give me an STD? You caused him to be born early, you caused Bella to almost die. Who the fuck are you? I'm calling the police." I rush to my feet and grab my cell phone. Tanya gets angry and stomps over to me. She tries to grab it from my hands but when she sees that it's not working, she knees me in the crotch. I double over, dropping the phone. She grabs it and smashes it against the wall.

"Why can't you love me? I've done everything you wanted! I-I gave you all of me." She pulls at her hair, screaming at me. She marches out of the room and I try to stand up, scared of what she's going to do next. I rush as fast as I can, trying to find where she went, hopefully so I can get out of here and call the police. However, she's in the kitchen, staring at me. She walks over slowly and that's when I notice the knife in her hand. I swallow the lump in my throat as she comes to stand in front of me.

"I've worked so hard. I've done what needed to be done. Yet, you still don't see that we are made for each other. I won't live without you." Tears roll down her face as she lifts the knife to her wrist. I reach to grab it but it's too lat. She drags the knife vertically from her wrist, all the way up her forearm. The cut is deep, dark red blood immediately flows from the gash. I was too shocked to stop her from repeating the action on her other arm.

"This is your fault. Now you'll have to live with it." she murmurs just as she falls to the floor in a puddle of her own blood. I gather myself just enough to run down to my neighbor's apartment and bang on the door. When the door opens I beg them to call 911. They follow me back to my apartment and after that, it's a flurry of paramedics, police and questions. I try to explain what happened but I break down every time I try.

I'm given sedatives to calm me down. Thankfully my family arrives soon after I was finished talking to the police. My mother sobbed, my brother pulled me into a bone crushing hug and I wasn't sure if he would ever let me go. Rose just asked if I was ok and said that if I needed anything, I could just ask. My dad hugged me harder than he ever had, like he was scared I would disappear. At this stage of my life, I wished I would.

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 **So, I hope this chapter answered some of your questions regarding Tanya. There may be a little bit more on her in a future chapter. Like always, leave me some reviews and tell me how you thought this chapters was and/or if there's anything in particular you may want to see. Your feedback is always appreciated! Thank you guys for reading my story and supporting it!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **Alright, I'm going to try and get as many chapters as I can out tonight. I probably won't be able to post any tomorrow since I'll be out of town all day for a concert. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I'm thrown from my nightmares and wake gasping for air. I've had the same nightmares for two weeks in a row. I can't walk into my living room without having flashbacks to the day Tanya killed herself right in front of me. I can't get the things she said out of my mind. The police told Bella what had happened. She'd wanted to come see me, but I asked them to keep her away. I didn't want her to see me like this and I didn't want to hear how I was responsible for everything in my life turning to shit. I already knew that.

My family was trying to talk me into seeing a therapist and I refused. I don't need some shrink to tell me what I already know. I'm a fucked-up person and I deserve everything bad that happens in my life. Why do I need to pay some therapist to tell me that? My son is deaf, Bella was hurt and Tanya died because of my actions.

"Edward, please. You need help. You aren't sleeping, you're barely eating. I'm worried about you." My mother says. She comes and visits me at least three times a week. I think she's scared I'm going to kill myself like Tanya did.

"I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Give me a few days and I'll be better." I try to give her a smile. She purses her lips and sighs. Before she stands up to leave, she kisses my cheek and tells me she loves me.

A few hours pass when I notice that my mom left her wallet here. I pick it up and a piece of paper falls out. I grab it and notice that it's a picture of Masen. It's of him and my dad. Masen has a huge smile on his face and it looks as though my dad is blowing a raspberry on his neck. I had no clue that they even saw Masen. I decide to open her wallet and see if there are anymore pictures. I see that there's a whole little sleeve of them. All with Masen. My brother and Rose holding him, mom holding him, some of just Masen. I feel the anger burning up inside me. They never told me that they see him. They hid it from me.

I don't know why but I pick up my phone and dial Bella's number. Of course she doesn't answer so stupidly I race to my car. I'm in front of the house soon after. Striding up to the house and see Bella's car in the drive along with a family sized BMW. I never gave my key back and I hope that she didn't change the locks. I quietly rejoice when the key works and I step inside. It's then I get worried. I don't see Bella but there's a loud banging from upstairs. The irony doesn't escape my notice that I'm worried about an intruder when I practically just broke in.

I take the stairs two at a time and find the sound coming from our bedroom. I take a deep breath before I swing the door open. My stomach drops and I feel sick at the image in front of me. Bella with Dr. Whitlock. Bella riding Dr. Whitlock. Bella screams when she sees me and tells me to get out. I turn around and leave the room silently. Bella comes out of the bedroom a few minutes later dressed in her short lace robe.

"What the fuck Edward! What are you doing here? How did you even get in?" she yells at me. Dr. Whitlock leaves the room, wearing flannel pants and a tight, white t-shirt. His eyes are trained on the floor.

"We've been divorced for two weeks Bella! You're already fucking the good doctor?" I yell back at her. She smiles and chuckles humorlessly.

"You called your whore less than twenty-four hours before our divorce was final. We were separated four months before that. I'm moving on with my life and it seems like you just want to live in the past!"

"How about we drop this subject and get to what I really came over here for." I change the subject. "How long has my family been seeing Masen?"

"Edward, you gave him up not them. I encourage them to come see him. I want them to be involved in his life. When split up, it didn't mean that I'd never see your family again. They supported me when I needed help getting around when I got home with Masen. They want him unlike you and I'm not going to push away the people who love him." Tears are in her eyes. Dr. Whitlock rubs her back and she leans into him.

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just barged in. I shouldn't of come here at all." I step backwards before turning and running out of the house. Dropping my key on the table by the door.

They're together. She's moved on. I saw how they looked at each other. It was how Bella and I looked at each other when we were younger. When we were completely in love. My heart beats achingly in my chest. I drive until I hit the one place I know I can lose myself. Brandy and Jazz.

I walk inside with my hands in my front pockets and hunched over. I'm slightly disappointed when I see that it's not the same bartender as the last time I was in here. I order three shots of tequila and drink them quick.

"You might want to pace yourself stranger." I hear a familiar voice say. I turn around and see the small, black haired bartender. My eyes widen when I see the bump extending from her hips, the same kind Bella had.

"You're pregnant?" I immediately blurt out. She laughs and smiles at me.

"I am, I'm also married. Shocking right?" She comes and sits next to me.

"Last time I saw you, you said you were divorced and didn't want kids." I can't look away from her stomach.

"I said I was divorced. I never said I didn't get remarried. I also said I wasn't ready for kids at the time. I was ready and my husband very gladly put a baby in me. By the way, I'm Alice. We never exchanged names last time you were here." She holds her hand out and I shake it.

"Edward. Nice to meet you again." I joke. She laughs and asks the bartender for a water.

"So, what brings you in today?" she asks me. I explain everything and she stops me when I get to the good doctor. "Wait, you said his name is Dr. Whitlock?"

"Yeah, his first name is Jasper I think. I know it's something that starts with a J." I shrug.

"Tall, blonde with blue eyes. Has a slight accent?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's him." I watch her giggle.

"Did you know how this bar got its name? Of course, you don't so I'll tell you the story. My ex and I had the hardest time picking one. The bar was ready and all we needed was a name so we could open up. My maiden name is Brandon, hence the Brandy. Jazz comes from my ex's nickname. His name is Jasper and I always called him Jazz. He is a doctor and last time I talked to him he mentioned how he'd met someone but that he wasn't sure she'd want him." I realized then that she was talking about Bella.

"So your ex is seeing my ex and he told you about it?" I question her.

"We haven't talked for a while. He said that he really like this woman and I think he even mentioned her having a kid. At the time I don't think they were together but who knows, maybe now they are." She shrugged.

"I walked in on them having sex, I think they're together. The kid is my son, Masen. Why would he want so much baggage? Bella just went through a divorce, the kid is partially deaf. Why does he want her when he can have someone who has a cleaner past?" I ask her. She glares at me slightly.

"Edward, he's happy. She's happy. The baby is probably happy. So what, she has a past. So does Jasper. That doesn't mean they don't deserve each other or that they shouldn't try to be together. If that's how things worked I sure as hell wouldn't be married and pregnant. There comes a time when it's time to move on. Bella was ready and she chose Jasper. Knowing Jasper, he's probably close to falling in love with her or he wouldn't be around still. He doesn't waste his time, he thinks it's precious. Bella will be treated like a queen by him and Masen, well he's gonna have a damn good father figure." Alice explains to me. I look down at the empty shot glasses and sigh.

"Her moving on means there's no way we're getting back together. It really is the end and I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready to give her up." A single tear falls down my cheek.

"That's not for you to decide. You're the one who caused the marriage to end. She wants Jasper and it's time you let her go and let her be happy." I know Alice is right. I just don't want to believe that it's the end for us. I want a future with Bella. If what Alice says is true, then my life is over. I have no one now.

 **~!~**

 **So I think this is my longest chapter. I hope you guys liked it. I hope I answered a few of your questions. Like always, don't forget to review. Your reviews determine how this story will go. I really appreciate the feedback and hope you like what's to come!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **I would like to point out that I do have a plan for this story. I know how I want it to end. I understand those who were hoping for an ExB HEA. That is the only part of the ending that I'm confused about. I go into each chapter thinking about your reviews and how it will influence the chapter I'm writing. I hope you guys stick to this story even though I'm not guaranteeing an ExB HEA.**

 **Small Time Jump Ahead**

 **~!~**

 **2 months later**

 **Edward's POV**

"Edward, how did you feel when your ex-wife said she hated you?" my therapist, Dr. Kate Hale asks me. It's been two months since I found out that Bella and Jasper were together. After talking to Alice, I realized that I needed help or something bad would happen.

"At the time it hurt. She'd always said that she'd love me forever, that our love was impenetrable. As time went on, I think that I started to hate myself for causing her to hate me. I was angry, I was guilty. When she said she hated me, we'd just found out Masen was partially deaf. I'd hoped she didn't mean it but then I kept messing up and I knew it couldn't have just be her trying to hurt me." I swallow the lump in my throat.

"That's right, you said that Masen was effected by the STD. Do you know what all is wrong?"

"My parents don't tell me about him much. That kinda sucks. Not for me but for them. They can't even talk about their grandson around me because they know I'm not ready to be a father. Back to your question though, I do know he's partially deaf. He has eighty percent hearing ability in each ear. I overheard my parents saying he was behind on the milestones he's supposed to be hitting." I shrug.

"Do you feel anything when you think of Masen's life when he get's older? How it'll effect him as he grows?" I start getting annoyed with the questions about Masen.

"I feel bad. I mean I helped create him and then I contributed to the fact that he'll never have a normal childhood. I love him, I do but at the same time I know that I'm not ready to be a father. I'm not sure if I'll ever really be ready. I was excited at first and then I started realizing how much time and energy went into have a child. As much as I loved him, I didn't want my life to change that drastically." My doctor sits back and stares at me for a little bit.

"What if Bella decides she wants you back? They're a packaged deal, you can't have one without the other." Dr. Hale points out. I sigh and nod.

"I've thought about that. When Masen was first born, I was going to try and convince Bella to give me a second chance. Really, I was going to use her parents' divorce against her. The reason they're a packaged deal makes me think that I'll never get the chance to be with her again. Masen deserves a father who wants him. I love him but I don't want kids. I just don't. I realize that now. So to answer your question, I probably won't be with her as much as I want to." I feel like a weight has lifted off my chest. I have barely admitted my feelings to myself. I know my marriage with Bella is over. I know I don't like to admit it.

"Have you tried dating? Trying to be happy?"

"I've met some people. Honestly it was just to scratch an itch. Every time I think of being happy, I remember I ruined my last relationship because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants. I'm scared I'll do it again." I admit. The timer goes off and Dr. Hale stands up.

"Alright, our session for today is done. I want you to keep writing down when you think of Bella. I want to know what it is you're thinking. I'll see you next week at the same time and the same place. Have a good day Edward." I shake the doctor's hand and walk out.

I head to my parents' house. Mom has enforced weekly dinners, it's really just a way to make sure I'm eating and taking care of myself. I park in the driveway and make my way inside. I'm quiet coming in and I can hear my parents talking in the kitchen.

"She said that he's not sitting up on his own yet and he should be. Jasper suggesting some exercises that will hopefully help him but Bella thinks they're going to need to take him to his pediatrician." My dad says.

"He did just roll over. I mean I know it's a little late but maybe he's just a little late on sitting up. It doesn't mean anything is seriously wrong with him." I can hear the worry in my mother's voice.

"They need to run tests, Es. He needs an MRI and a CAT scan. It'll help him in the long run." I clear my throat and walk in. Mom quickly wipes the tears off her cheek and smiles at me. I'm quickly pulled into a hug and she kisses my cheek.

"How did your therapy go today?" My father asks from behind my mom.

"Good, we talked about some stuff that needed to be talked about. Where are Emmett and Rose?" they're usually always here before me.

"They are at Rose's parent's house tonight. Plus there's um…There's something we want to talk to you about." Mom bites her lips and leads us to the table.

"Your mom and I want to get the family together and take a trip out to the beach house. Emmett and Rosalie have already said yes. Hopefully you'd like to go too but umm...We want to invite Bella and Masen." Dad looks at the floor while waiting for my input.

"You want Bella and Masen to come on a family vacation with us? Is it going to be just them or is…Is Jasper going to be there?" I ask quietly.

"We've already talked about this with her. She said that if you agree to it, Jasper won't come along. She doesn't want to make you uncomfortable when you're supposed to be enjoying your vacation." Mom tells me. I sigh and look at my hands.

"Ok, Masen deserves family vacations. I know you guys really want Masen there, he is part of the family." I shrug. Mom's smile lights up her face and she throws her arms around me. She thanks me and tells me that she loves me. My dad is smiling too.

Our dinner is eaten in comfortable silence. When I leave, I'm not upset like I thought I'd be. I think of this vacation and hopefully I can mend Bella and I's relationship. We may not be together but I'd at least like to be able to be comfortable around her. Maybe this is the beginning of a fresh start.

 **~!~**

 **Hope you guys liked this chapter. A lot of you said Edward needed to be in therapy and when I read those review I chuckled to myself because I'd already written Edward's therapy session. For those of you who were hoping for an ExB HEA, I hope you stick around. I'm not sure if they're getting back together but hopefully you like this story despite that. As always your reviews are extremely appreciated and I love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I finish packing the last of my clothes. I've got most of my stuff in the car and ready to go. My family, Bella and Masen are all meeting at the airport and we're getting on the same plane. I arrive at the airport about an hour later. My heart stutters as I see Bella laughing along with my family. I walk over slowly and my mom rushes forward to hug me. After I greet my family, I turn to Bella.

"It's uh, it's good to see you." I say awkwardly. Bella nods.

"Good to see you too." She smiles slightly. I see Masen trying to stick a piece of Bella's hair in his mouth. We all decide to head to the TSA checkpoint. I'm the last one to go with Bella right in front of me. She hands them her plane ticket, the person cooing at Masen the whole time. When Bella gets up to the guard, she hands him a piece of paper.

"If the alarm goes off we're going to have to do an extra security check ma'am. I'm sorry but there's no way around that." I see Bella roll her eyes and walk through the scanner with Masen. The machine beeps and Bella sighs. I make my way through it just as they're asking Bella to remove Masen's hearing aids.

"Why do they need to be removed? You can see they're in there." Bella points out. I can see the guard getting flustered. When Bella sees they're not going to let up, she carefully removes Masen's hearing aids. He immediately starts crying and Bella tries to get him to calm down. The guard hands them back to Bella and she walks away. She sits Masen on a bench and asks Emmett to keep a hand on his back. She puts the hearing aids back in Masen's ears while he's screaming. Bella picks him back up and holds him so his face is by her neck. One hand is on his but and she's rubbing his back with the other. Soon enough his crying stops and we all notice he's fallen asleep.

We get to our terminal and sit down. We have another hour before our flight gets here so we just talk while we wait. I find my eyes constantly straying to Bella. She's holding Masen across her lap while he sleeps. Her one hand plays with Masen's dark hair. Fifteen minutes until we board, Bella puts on one of those baby carriers that straps on to your chest. My dad helps her get Masen into it. The flight is a long one, luckily Masen stays asleep for most of it. Six hours later we land in Florida.

The first day is mainly spent unpacking and catching up on sleep. The next day we find ourselves on the beach. Emmett and my dad immediately get into the water. Rose starts tanning. My mom sits under an umbrella and reads a book. Bella has an inflatable swimming pool with a little overhead over on it. She uses a bucket to put some of the saltwater in it and then she puts Masen in it. It's strange though because she sets this little seat up in it that keeps him upright.

"What's the seat for?" I ask her.

"He can't really sit up by himself yet. Only for a few minutes at a time. I don't want him to fall forward and hurt himself." Bella explains. She puts a few toys in for him and then lays in the sun by the little pool. I notice Masen doesn't have his hearing aids in. Bella notices me staring and sighs. "He can't get them wet. It could ruin the hearing aid." I feel awkward so I go and swim with my father and brother.

Half an hour later, I notice Bella pulling Masen out of the pool and putting him in the sand. He grabs fistfuls of it and giggles. My mom takes tons of pictures. I feel my heart ache in my chest. For the first time, I find myself regretting giving him up. I could be over there playing with him. I could be taking pictures and showing them off to everyone. I should be over there, telling Bella how much I love her. Being a family with her and Masen. I had to go and fuck up what was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Around three we all head back inside. My dad suggests we all go out to a restaurant. We all head to our rooms to change out of our bathing suits and to shower. We aren't in a rush so I go and shower. The bathroom is right across the hall from my room so I just wrap a towel around my waist and head out. As soon as I exit the bathroom, I collide with another warm body and my towel slips off. Bella and I stand there, too shocked to move. I notice her eyes trail down my chest. My dick twitches and her breathing hitches.

"I-Uh, I'm sorry. I just…." She pushes past me and into her room. I wrap my towel around my waist and sit on my bed. Bella hasn't seen me naked since before Masen was born. Just the thought of her seeing me naked makes me hard as a rock. A groan realizing that I can't go out with a hard on and I've never been able to just get rid of them when Bella is concerned. After taking care of myself and getting dressed, I head downstairs. We're getting ready to head out when Emmett asks about who is riding with who. He wants to try and conserve so he volunteers himself and Rose to ride with Mom and Dad. Therefore, putting Bella and Masen in my car. I don't argue and neither does Bella. She installs the car seat and gets in the passenger side.

The ride to the restaurant is long and filled with awkward silence. It feels like hours later when we finally pull up to the steakhouse. Bella gets Masen out of the car seat and carries him in on her hip. We get a high chair for Masen but Bella keeps a hand on him most of the time. I remember her telling me earlier how he can't sit up on his own for very long. I sigh sadly knowing that because of my actions, I've made life harder not only for Masen but for Bella as well. I'm so in love with her and this trip, it's making me see what I've missed.

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 **So, I hope you liked this chapter. Next chapter something small but I feel it's significant is going to happen. Also, how would you guys feel about a Bella's POV chapter as maybe an outtake at the end? Don't forget to review! Your feedback is always appreciated!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **Hey guys! Sorry for the wait. I didn't get as many chapters out these past few days as I would have liked but I had a date with Sam Hunt. By date I mean I was a thousand feet away watching his beautifulness on stage.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

Getting home after eating, most of us went our separate ways. Emmett and Rosalie went back to the beach. Mom and dad decided to go do a little shopping and Bella had taken Masen to the pool. I stayed inside, lying on my bed. Time passed quickly as I contemplated my life and before I knew it, everyone was in bed asleep and it was ten o'clock. Unable to sleep, I get up and go to the kitchen hoping to find some comfort food. However, when I reach the kitchen, I look out the glass patio doors and see someone sitting on the steps, facing the ocean. I quietly tip toe out the door and immediately notice it's Bella.

"It's amazing isn't it? The way the moonlight hits the ocean, beautiful." I comment. She jumps slightly and looks over her shoulder.

"It is amazing." She looks back to the water and I go and sit next to her. She has a blank stare on her face. Years of being together and I know that the blank stare means she's thinking extremely hard.

"I know that look, what's going on in your head?" She shrugs after the question leaves my mouth.

"It's nothing. I just…I'm trying to clear some things up." She sighs and rubs her temples with her fingers.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to, but I am here. You can tell me anything." I place my hand on her back and rub it slightly. It used to always make her feel better. She looks at me, her beautiful brown eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm so confused and I don't know what to do. Jasper…He-He told me that he loves me. I wanted to say it back, I really did. Just as I was about to say it, your face popped up in my head. I love Jasper, I can see myself marrying him. Then I look at Masen and all I can think about is you and despite all the fucked-up bullshit you've pulled, I still love you too. My heart and my mind are constantly at war with each other." The tears escape and slide down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything but I'm sincerely sorry. Seeing you and Masen, I find myself wishing I could go back. I wish I didn't cheat. I wish I didn't give you an STD. I wish that I wouldn't have fucked up Masen's future with my stupid actions. Most of all, I wish I wouldn't have given either one of you up." I shift my eyes back to the beach.

"I just don't see how I can ever take you back. I look at you and all I see is the man that fucked someone else and contributed to my son's health problems. I only see the man who rejected my perfect little boy. Jasper, he's supported me through everything. He's been there when I needed him most. God, he loves Masen so much." She cries. I feel my heart breaking even more.

"He's obviously the better choice. He hasn't hurt you like I did. He hasn't hurt Masen like I did. For all intents and purposes, he is Masen's father. We have history though Bella. We were so happy before I fucked up. I know it won't be easy if you choose me but I just hope that you can see the rainbow at the end of the storm." The waves crash quietly onto the sand.

"Why Edward? Why did you break us?" Bella asks. I look over at her again.

"I ask myself that question every day and the only answer I can come up with is that I'm an idiot. I was so scared that I started regretting trying for a baby. I thought that if I told you, you'd hate me so I distanced myself. That somehow led me to Tanya and…I don't know, it just happened." I sigh. I stand up and run a hand through my hair. "Don't stay out too late, It only gets colder at night."

I walk inside and back to my room. I don't know how long it is but I get restless again. I walk around the house, noticing that Bella is still outside. All of the sudden I hear a quiet crying. I walk around trying to find where it is and when I do, I'm in Bella's room staring down into the travel cot. Not sure what to do, I just lay my hand on his stomach and try to rock him like that. It only makes him cry more. I swallow the lump in my throat. One of my hands goes under his head and the other on his butt. I him close to my chest and bounce him a little bit. It hits me that this is the first time I've held my son. His crying has stopped but I keep gently rocking him, not wanting to put him down. It's amazing how much I love the warmth of him against me. How I can feel his tiny heartbeat against mine. His breaths are hot on my neck and his hair tickles my chin. I sit on Bella's bed and just hold him. Tears slowly fall down my face and the only things I can think of are the regret for giving him up and the unconditional love I feel for him. I wish I'd realized it sooner, maybe things could have been better.

 **~!~**

 **So sorry for the long wait guys! I hope you liked this chapter. As always, leave me some reviews. I greatly appreciate the feedback. Thank you guys for sticking with my story, see you next chapter!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **Edward's POV**

I start to feel my eyes grow heavy but I can't find it in myself to lay Masen back down. I lay down on Bella's bed, Masen on my chest with my hand on his back so he won't fall off. Slowly I feel myself drift off to sleep. I'm not sure how long I'm asleep before I'm am awoken to someone shaking me. I panic when I feel my chest is light and cold. I sit up quickly and find Bella with Masen in her arms. I breathe a sigh of relief and run a hand through my tangled hair.

"What are you doing in here Edward?" she lays Masen back in the travel cot and kisses his forehead.

"He um, he was crying. You didn't hear him so…" I trail off. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at me.

"I'm heading home with Masen tomorrow." Her eyes leave mine and train themselves on the floor.

"What? Why? Everyone is so excited about Masen and you being here." I move closer to her.

"When your mom asked me to bring Masen on this vacation, I didn't want to. I relented that I would go if I could bring Jasper. Well, two days before she told you about the vacation, Jasper told me that he loves me. Like I told you earlier, I got scared. I told Esme that he wasn't coming and I used this vacation to escape and get away from him so I could think. I've thought and I know what I want now." I look in her eyes and I feel a sense of dread wash over me.

"Bello, please-," she cuts me off and shakes her head.

"I love you. I always will but what we had, we will never get that back. I don't trust you and I can't be with someone I don't trust. Us being together, it's not fair to Masen either. You hurt him. You gave him up. You can't take that back and I'm so sorry for telling you that I still love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I want us to try and be friends. We have known each other forever and despite the fact that we didn't work out, I don't want to lose you completely." A single tear falls down her cheek and she reaches up to wipe it away.

"Why him? He was the first guy you were with after we separated." I question.

"He actually wasn't the first. I stupidly decided that I needed to get over you sooner rather than later. I went out with Jacob Black from the reservation when Masen was three weeks old. I hated his personality but I stayed with him for a little while. I had sex with him once I was given the all clear. I regretted it as soon as it happened. I ran into Jasper two weeks later while I was buying diapers for Masen. The rest is history I guess." She explains.

"I'm not really allowed to judge. I mean, look at what I did. I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me because I feared growing up. I um, I'm going to head to bed. If I don't see you tomorrow before you leave…Goodbye Bella." I give her a small smile. I stop right next to Masen. I use my fingers to lightly push a strand of hair out of his face. I lean forward and kiss his forehead. I pull away and notice a familiar crooked smile on his face. Before I can say something I'll regret, I walk out of Bella's room and into mine.

I can't sleep. I spend the night crying and imagining what life could have been like if I hadn't betrayed Bella. We'd be happier than ever. Masen would have full hearing. Maybe we'd even be planning a second baby. At 7:30, I could hear everyone telling Bella and Masen goodbye. I listened as I heard the car drive away and I listened to the whispers accusing me of being the reason she left and took Masen with her. They were right though. I was to blame. I am the reason they won't ever truly get to know Masen. I'm the reason they're losing a friend.

The rest of the vacation goes smoothly. We avoid the subject of Bella and Masen. I'm relieved when it's time to go home. I definitely need to talk to my therapist. I need to start living my life again. I get off the plane and head straight to the therapist. She just looks at me for five minutes at the start of the session.

"How was your vacation Edward?"

"The first couple days were great. Then it was awkward and painful." I tell her honestly. She nods and asks me to explain. "Bella told me that she loved me but that too much had happened and she couldn't take me back. Apparently, Jasper loves her and wants to be a father to Masen. I held Masen for the first time. I watched as Bella had to support him physically because of my idiotic actions. He's seven months old and can't sit up by himself because I fucked around and gave Bella an infection which transmitted to him. I haven't hated myself more than I do now." I say angrily.

"Let's skip over Bella for now and talk about Masen. Why did you hold Masen and how did it feel?"

"He was crying and Bella didn't hear him. I couldn't just let him cry like that. The only way to describe the feeling I had when I picked him up is…It was like my life was finally complete. I held him and in that moment I knew that I'd do anything to protect him from the horrors of the world. That's why when Bella came to me that night and told me that we'd never be together again, I accepted it. I had to protect Masen from me. I'm a horrible person. He deserves a guy like Jasper as a father. Jasper is a good guy. Me? I'm a cheater. I am self-centered and egotistical. I'm not a good role model for him."

"You know, every time you come here, you talk down on yourself. So I want to take a few minutes and go through what you think is great about yourself. What qualities do you have that make you a good person?" she smiles at me.

"I don't think I have any. I mean look at me. You've heard what a shit storm my life is." I shrug.

"Fine, you don't want to go through any, then I will. Edward, you're hard working. You love your family and yes, that includes Masen and Bella. You are willing to do whatever you have to, to make sure they're safe and happy. I know you're not in the best place right now, but it will get better. I promise you that, you just have to hang on." She reaches out and puts her hand on mine and for the first time in months, I believe that everything will be all right.

 **~!~**

 **So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Remember that your reviews are extremely helpful to me. Thank you to everyone who favorites and follows this story. Thank you to Cheatward's Spot of FB for helping people find this story. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated and I'll see you next chapter!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **~!~**

 **5 MONTHS LATER**

 **Edward's POV**

One year is equal to 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days. One year is how long it's been since Masen Charles Swan has lived on this Earth. This past year has been rough for everyone involved. I wish I could have taken back the moments that ruined my marriage and my chance at being a father to my son but I can't. I continue to go to therapy and I visit my family as much as possible. I've learned to listen to the people around me and make my decisions with them in mind.

Bella and I are friends. I've finally accepted that we'll be nothing more and I think I'm okay with it. We didn't work out, hopefully some day in the future, I'll meet the woman I'm supposed to be with the rest of my life. I'd like to say that I became the world's best father for Masen but that would be a lie. I've only seen him a few times since the vacation and it's my own fault. Bella has tried to get me to come see him and interact with him but I couldn't do that to him. He deserves a father who isn't a fuck up and as much as I hate to admit it, that man is Jasper Whitlock.

Despite being absent in Masen's life, Bella has still invited me to his first birthday party. That's the reason I'm walking into the house I once called home. I hear the voices of my family. I'm the last one to arrive. Masen has grown so much in these last five months. Emmett told me that he's starting to talk and that he can stand up on his own. It looks like he recently had a haircut. He's all smiles as everyone dotes on him. I set my present by the rest and walk over. Jasper has Masen in his arms while Rose tickles his stomach.

"Hey guys." I wave awkwardly. Everyone smiles at me, including Masen.

"I'm really happy you came Edward, thank you." Bella gives me a smile and I can't help but return it. The party flows smoothly. Masen gets cake all over him and Bella takes thousands of pictures.

It's hard to believe that the tiny baby, Bella gave birth to is this kid. Masen was so small and now he has the build of a mini Emmett. He's tall but you can tell he'll be muscular when he's older. I watch as Masen crawls around and occasionally stands. I listen to the affection in his voice when he gets tired and calls Bella 'Mama'. Once he's settled in his crib for his nap, Bella begins to clean up. Feeling awkward, I begin to help her.

"You don't have to do that, I can get it." she smiles and says nicely. I give her my crooked grin and keep cleaning.

"It was a great party, thanks for inviting me." Bella stops and looks at me.

"Even when we were fighting, I was always going to invite you. You're the reason we're here and I'm not saying it to be rude or mean. I'm saying that without you, Masen wouldn't exist. I'm so thankful for the time we had together. It brought me Masen and as much as I didn't like you because of your actions, I couldn't thank you enough for giving me the best part of my life." She reaches out and touches my hand. I pull her into a tight hug and I feel my t-shirt get damp. She giggles and wipes her eyes.

"He's perfect." I simply say and Bella nods. We go back and clean in comfortable silence.

The party comes to a close and soon everyone is heading home. Jasper and Masen have fallen asleep on the couch much like when I fell asleep with Masen on my chest. Bella waves us all goodbye and only shuts the door when we've all made our way down the street. My mind is filled with the images from today. Bella is happy. Masen is happy. To me, that's all that matters. With Jasper, they're a family. He really is Masen's father. As much as it hurts to admit, I'm happy for them. They deserve to be loved by a guy who treats them like Jasper does.

Two weeks pass and I'm getting coffee before heading into the office. I'm texting Emmett and not paying attention. Out of nowhere, I'm crashed into and thrown onto the ground. My arms burn where scalding coffee has soaked into my shirt. I sit up slowly, my head throbbing slightly.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I'll pay for your dry cleaning and for another coffee for you. I just-I'm so sorry." A light feminine voice says nervously. I'm shocked by the vibrant blue eyes and I feel myself getting lost in them.

"Don't worry about it, accidents happen." I flash her my crooked smile. She giggles nervously and my heart flutters.

"I'm Irina, again I'm so sorry about this. I was texting my sister and wasn't paying attention." Her pale skin makes her cobalt blue eyes even more beautiful.

"I was texting my brother so I guess you're not the only one at fault here. My name is Edward." I stand up and hold out my hand. She grabs onto it and I pull her up. She stumbles against my chest and I catch her.

"I um… I should get to work. Maybe I'll see you around?" I think I hear a hint of hope in her voice. I nod my head quickly. She goes to leave but I stop her. I point to the phone in her hand before speaking.

"Maybe I could give you my number. Next time you run into someone else, you could be texting me." I grin and try to flirt. She blushes but nods her head and hands me her phone. I send a text from her phone to mine. We say goodbye and walk away in opposite directions. Just as she's out of sight, my phone chimes with a text.

 _Coffee Tomorrow? -I_

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 **Well, this is the last regular chapter. Thank you guys for sticking with me, I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you to Cheatward's Spot for putting my story out there and helping people notice it. Thank you to all my reviewers, followers and favoritors. If you have any questions, just let me know and I'll try to answer them in the epilogue or in any outtakes I do. You're feedback is always appreciated, thank you guys so much!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

 **Reading through my comments on the last chapter, I found many of you weren't happy with what had happened. I decided to read my story through and found that I wasn't ready to end Edward and Bella's story. That being said, I've decided to write a sequel. Hopefully those of you who enjoyed this story will tag along with Part 2. Enjoy this chapter you guys!**

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 **3 years later**

 **Edward's POV**

I walk into my parents living room and see Masen coloring at the coffee table. In the playpen is my eight month old niece, Emmalie. Emmalie was definitely not expected. Emmett and Rose didn't think they could get pregnant due to Rose being raped when she was sixteen. However, little Emmalie was here and she couldn't be more loved.

"Hi Mase, what are you coloring?" I crouch next to him. He smiles and pushes the paper toward me.

"This dino. He-He for daddy. Mommy get flower." He points to the second drawing. I pretend like I have a clue at what I'm looking at. My heart still aches when I hear him call another man 'Daddy'

Bella and Jasper announced their pregnancy two weeks after Masen's first birthday. They called the baby a 'happy accident'. It was clear right away that Jasper wanted the baby more than anything. He was there for everything, he showed off the ultrasound pictures and doted on Bella and Masen. It was the middle of the night, I was spending the night at my parents. Jasper had called my Mom to ask if she could watch Masen because Bella had just gone into labor.

Ten hours later, Jackson Henry Whitlock was born. The then almost two-year old Masen was absolutely in love with his little brother. Jackson looked a lot like Jasper. He was bald but had a few wisps of blonde hair. His eyes were a big and expressive blue. He had Jasper's lips, nose, eyes and chin but he had Bella's ears. They were the perfect family.

Irina and I are still together. She lives with me in my apartment. My parents don't like her however. I have to tell them some life changing news and I'm not sure how they're going to take it. My mom is in the kitchen baking cookies. I clear my throat and she smiles when she sees me. I pull away just as my dad walks into the room. I ask them both to sit down.

"Edward, what's going on?" my mom's voice is filled with worry.

"Um, well…Irina and I found out three weeks ago that she's pregnant. You're going to be a grandma again." I smile. This baby is my second chance. I'll be better this time.

"Are you kidding me?" the words shock me. My mother is pissed. My dad shakes his head and sighs.

"Edward, I thought you didn't want kids? You definitely didn't want your son. What makes this baby different?" my dad questions.

"I fucked up when Masen was a baby. I know that. This baby is my second chance. A way to prove that I've changed. Irina and I are excited. Like it or not, you're going to be grandparents again in seven months. She's nine weeks pregnant."

"We just don't understand how you could not want your son, but want this baby. We've held our tongues for four years. We've missed so much with Masen because you couldn't get your act together for him. What makes you so sure that when this baby comes, you won't do the exact same thing?" My dad laughs humorlessly.

"Hey guys, what's going on in here?" I hear Bella's voice from behind me. She must be here to pick up Masen. I turn around and my mouth drops. Bella's stomach is slightly extended, not much but it's still noticeable.

"Hello sweetheart, we're just having a discussion." My mother goes over to her and pulls her into a hug. "How was the appointment?"

"It went good. I'm sixteen weeks and everything is looking normal so far. Jasper is adamant that this one is a girl. I'm pretty sure there's another boy in here though. We'll see at our next appointment." Bella laughs. "Thank you for watching Masen on short notice. Jasper's parents watched Jack for us but you know how they are with Masen." Ah, Jasper's parents. While Jasper absolutely loved Masen, his parents did not. They seriously told Jasper that they should ship Masen off to boarding school.

"It was no problem, we love having Masen here." Dad assured her. I cleared my throat and started walking out of the room.

"I need to go, Irina is waiting for me." Without another word, I leave the house and speed off towards my apartment. I'm pissed at my parents. They're so happy for Bella's pregnancy yet when my girlfriend is having our child, they're angry. I try to calm down, they'll come around at some point. Hopefully it will be before the baby is born.

I walk into my apartment and see Irina on the couch reading _What to Expect When You're Expecting._ I sit next to her and pull her legs into my lap. She sighs and knows that my parents didn't take it well by my silence.

"They'll come around Edward. This baby is their grandchild and there's no way your parents couldn't love him or her." She leans forward and kisses me lightly on my lips. She makes me realize that she's right. We're having a baby, it's a happy time in our lives. My parents will learn to accept that.

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 **So this is the last chapter of Mess I Made. The sequel doesn't have a title and I'm making a few decisions on the direction I want to take it but the first chapter should be out soon. Thank you guys for reading this story! I'm sorry to those of you who didn't like the ending. As always I appreciate your reviews and feedback!**


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